I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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