for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
