I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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