Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
