The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
