Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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