the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
