i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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