And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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