I got chris browned last night
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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