Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize