rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
