let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
