She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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