you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
