You're so nebulous sometimes
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize