The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
