You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
