Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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