i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
