I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
