you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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