she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
