Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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