Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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