im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
smell my finger.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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