can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
