He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize