She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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