Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
