You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
