i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
tell me about the eggs
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
