I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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