u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
