Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
