I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
