I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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