yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
