I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
