This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
His nipple licking is glorious
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