This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
