It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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