not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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