Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
