I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
