I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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