im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
