Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
