she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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