today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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