got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
