oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
