It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
