i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
