I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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