i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize