I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
