I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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