I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
