I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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