Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
