Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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