I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
