I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
